Why don’t people intervene when harassment happens in public? Social psychologists call it the bystander effect, but what is it and what can you do to reclaim your power? It happens in an instant. A catcall. An unwanted touch. A comment muttered just loud enough to hear. You freeze. Not because you’re weak, but because your nervous system has kicked into high alert. You scan the street, the bus, the grocery store. There are people around. But no one says a word. I’ve experienced this myself, more times than I can count. It happens to me regularly when I go for a jog or a walk, ride my bike, or take the metro. I remember one incident in particular, standing on a crowded street corner when a man made an aggressive, explicit comment. Dozens of people were nearby. No one even turned their head. I felt humiliated, enraged, and alone. That moment, where you feel invisible in plain sight? It’s more than just frustrating. It’s traumatic.
What Is the Bystander Effect?
The bystander effect refers to the social psychological phenomenon of diffusion of responsibility. Paradoxically, the more people who are present, the less likely we are to receive help, because individuals assume someone else will take action or has already done so.
And in the process, people who need support are left isolated.
When you’re on the receiving end of that silence, it can feel like a second injury. You may begin to question what happened. Was it that bad? Did anyone even notice? The answer is yes. And it matters. See my blog post on the importance of social connection in healing.
Public Harassment Is a Trauma
Public harassment isn’t just uncomfortable, it’s a boundary violation. Over time, repeated experiences can lead to symptoms of anxiety, hypervigilance, and even complex PTSD. Clients often report:
- Avoiding certain places or routes
- Holding tension in the body without realizing it
- Experiencing shame or self-blame
These are normal responses to an abnormal situation. You’re not overreacting. You’re reacting to feeling unsafe and unseen.
Reclaiming Power and Safety
In therapy, we work on reclaiming a sense of safety and agency through:
- Grounding techniques to regulate the nervous system
- Boundary-setting skills to prepare for future interactions
- Journaling prompts to process the experience and validate your voice
- EMDR or somatic work to reduce the body’s stress response
One powerful journal prompt we offer: “What did I wish someone had done or said in that moment?” Clients often discover they already know what they needed—they just haven’t been given space to name it.
Why Talking About It Matters
You’re not alone. Many people have experienced bystander silence and never talk about it. Therapy becomes a place where that silence ends. Where we say the thing out loud. Where healing begins—not just in the nervous system, but in the narrative. If the bystander effect has left you feeling stuck or powerless, you’re not alone. Reach out today to start healing and reclaim your voice through therapy.